23 Week Update

Its been 3 weeks since I've been on bed rest. I am now 23 weeks along and feeling a bit more anxious about Jagger. I had an appointment on Monday and was told that my cervix is continuing to thin, or in other words efface. I have also tested positive for Strep B infection, something that they do not treat until you are delivering the baby. I know this is common for many women and typically its not too scary. They will give you IV Antibiotics during the delivery which reduces the risk of the baby catching the infection. However, with my prolapses, the doctors have said that because my muscles are so weak, this baby could just slip on out when he decides to come. So, given the high chance of preterm labor and the prolapses, if Jagger decides to enter this world quickly and without antibiotics, there is a good chance of him being born with disabilities or a low survival rate.

I've heard many uplifting stories and many heartbreaking stories. Having all this time in the world to think, it seems a little bit more easier to think of the worst. God doesn't make mistakes, right? That's what I keep telling myself. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I had a dream a few weeks ago that won't leave my mind. In this dream, Bill and I were sitting across from each other at a very long table. There were a bunch of people in the room, I want to say it was family, but I can't be certain it was. Anyhow, someone was discussing the possibility of our baby being born with disabilities and I turned to look at Bill. He was already staring at me and without either of us speaking, we both knew that what this person was saying was true.

That's all I remember. Perhaps this is weighing on my mind so much and my thoughts are rolling over in to my dreams. Perhaps its God's way of preparing Us to welcome such a special spirit in to our home. When I told Bill what the Doctor said, about him being born with disabilities, Bill reminded me that I had always wanted to raise a child with disabilities.

Now. Though I would be extremely humbled to be asked to do this, I would not necessarily volunteer for this as I once had. After creating a piece of you and your husband, the thought of seeing your child suffer and go through life differently is something very difficult to process. The idea of seeing other children make fun of your child because they look funny or walk funny or talk funny is not very comforting. I do not want to see my child suffer. I want my children to experience all the joys and beauty that the world can offer.

Now. As I look at this picture above, some random picture of a baby that was born at 23 weeks and survived, I know there is hope. I would much rather have a baby survive with disabilities than a baby not survive at all. This babies story is amazing and you can read it here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-444524/The-baby-survived-50-blood-transfusions-flesh-eating-bug.html

I am so grateful and humbled by the many acts of service that have come our way. If it were not for their help, their love, their support and prayers, our little Jagger may not have made it this far. My wonderful husband has become a cleaner, cook and mother over night. Many of my friends have commented on how optimistic and patient he has been and they couldn't speak any more truth.

Thank you to those of you who read my blog silently and perhaps even offer up prayers on our behalf. I feel them, as cheesy as that may sound, I do. Many times I break down crying because I am overwhelmed with how many people care. I am often asked if I am bored and in reality I haven't had much time to get bored. Between visits, phone calls, txts and emails I have an amazing social life!!!

I really could die happy because of the love I feel from so many. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your love.