Pregnancy Blues

Thirty five weeks pregnant. No sleep. Exhaustion. Sore. Fat. Anxious. Lonely.

He works all the time, he travels all the time. I feel like a single Mom. I lay awake next to him at nights, resenting his job for not allowing us to have a normal life. This isn't how it should be. But what is a normal life?

Gone are the Brady Bunch days. Gone are the nights we go to bed together, have breakfast together, have dinner together. Gone are the weekends of family time.

We live in a world of busy, busy, busy. Work, work, work. Live to pay the bills and get out of debt.

He provides for the family.

She raises the kids and keeps the house tidy.

In the midst of what he does and what she does, somehow you make time for each other. But 5 min here and 5 min there just doesn't seem to cut it.

I want the Brady Bunch life. I want more family time. But who really gets that anymore? I'm scared. I'm terrified of bringing another of God's spirit's in to this world. This busy, crazy, scary, exciting world. This world whose view on the importance of family has greatly diminished.

With the hardships of the economy comes even more demands from Fathers. More demand of their time away from home. More demand of their sleep time and more demand of their energy.

I've got the Pregnancy Blues. I don't see an end in sight for this single mother feeling to go away. He will keep on traveling and he will keep on working and I will keep on feeling like a single mother. If the Pioneer Women did it, I suppose I can too. But for now I just want to sulk and have a pity party with Me and my enormous tummy.

I Love You Everyday, Not Just Valentine's Day

Didn't get anything sexy. Didn't get anything romantic. A simple kiss and the words "I love you" completely sufficed.

Do we have the perfect marriage? No, but you are here. You love me. You love your daughter and you provide.

Your absence is not easy. But if things were so easy then I wouldn't appreciate you the way I do. I wouldn't miss you the way I do and I wouldn't be grateful.

You have given me everything I have ever wanted in the past two years. Everything. I know at times I forget and lose sight of the vision we had set when we got married, but you always bring me back to reality. You help me realize that its okay that life isn't perfect, that We aren't perfect, and that our marriage isn't perfect. You level me and I know I level you. You are my equal. You are mine forever. I am so grateful you chose me.

You sacrifice for me far more than I sacrifice for you and I acknowledge you for that. You put my needs above your own and I need to see our future through your eyes, not just mine. You are a wonderful Husband and even more so, a wonderful Father. I love the way her face lights up when she see's you at the end of the day. That big smile, the twinkling eyes and the jibberish she uses to say "Finally, you're home".

You are so deeply loved. So deeply, incredibly, amazingly loved.

Back to Blogging Therapy

Its been 9 months since my last post. I had all the reasons in the world to quit blogging. Waste of time. Unsafe. Blah. Blah. Blah. When it comes down to it, I miss it tremendously. I miss following my friends and families lives. I miss writing down milestones of my daughter. I miss writing down memories of my amazing life. I am so looking forward to being in tune with your lives again.

So here I go with my journal writing and boy do I have much to catch up on!