Now here I am. I've reached these goals and now I don't know who the hell I am. What next? Of course I love being a Mom and a wife, but I feel this insane desire to have more, to be more. Last time I posted I was starting to feel content with just being a Mother, now I'm not. What's the deal with this roller coaster and trying to figure out life?
I start something, get so excited and then get frustrated and bored and want to stop. Quit. Its the same pattern over and over. How is it that so many out there know what they want to be at such a young age? They go to school, graduate, begin a career, be a Mom, seem so put together. Are they really put together? Or am I just the one that seems to be a mess.
I'd like to chalk this up to pregnancy hormones, but that's just an excuse. I'm in my 30's and I don't know what I want to be. All I know is I want more. What is my problem? Part of Me wants to figure out some amazing career and pursue it, then guilt starts setting in and I feel like I should just be devoted to my children and husband and worry about that later. But I've put it off for so long.....
Why is it so hard to be just content with the present? Instead I'm lost in the past and lost in the future, trying to figure out who I was and who I want to be. Why can't I just be.
5 comments:
hang in there...i think all moms get to a poing where we feel like life gets a little menotanous....that's when you start hosting a play group or throw your kids into an adventure like tumbling and join in with them...it's hard to be creative sometimes, but i think it's how we all keep sane...my out is teaching water aerobics, I LOVE the high i get from swimming and also teaching the class...find something you enjoy doing and run with it!!
ps...i missed your last post, i hope paisly is feelig much beter!!!!
Hey, you sound like every other mom I know, Including me. I think that we expect too much of ourselves and feel bad when we can't do EVERYTHING. You're doing what you can. I've decided that I need to focus on that. I'm doing my best, I can't do more, and that's okay. Love you.
Remember saying "Hands down, Joey." or "Hubba hubba" with Marla or listening to George Strait with Jane or calling Dennis "GRandpa" ??? I miss that.
Ging, If it were meant for us to "just be" and "be content with 'just being'"...then there would be no progression in life. Maybe the thoughts and feelings you're having are just a part of being the offspring of God, to grow and progress? Maybe those feeling you are having are divine? What is wrong with being an extraordinary mother and wife, and still managing to touch the world and make it a better place?? We can't do that without wanting and being more. ;) Love you babe! You are amazing! You are wanting, and being more every single day!
No one is as put together as they seem. Everyone else seems to be doing so much better, but on the inside they feel just the same as you. I agree with Trish - we feel this way so we will continue to progress and have new goals. You are doing great, chin up!
I went to Women's Conference a couple weeks ago, and in one of the classes, blogger Stephenie Nielsen and her sisters talked about their errands from the Lord. One said nursing, one said writing, one said finding joy, and Stephenie said missionary work. This was in conjunction with their daily tasks as wives and mothers.
Talk to the Lord about how you feel and maybe ask Him what your errand is. For me, it's being a mom and a writer. And that helps me be more content - so does doing something creative every day (writing or decorating something in my house or reading). You're awesome!
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