Him

I'm so glad I married this hunka lovin, piece of meat.  We've been married 4 1/2 years and he is still just as patient with me and my moods today as he was when we first met.

We don't fight, we never have.  We've had some disagreements, but we have always been able to work through them quite quickly and easily.  And then we forget about them. Move on. Be done.

My struggles since we've moved here have not been secret and I feel I've become quite moody since living here.  I don't like who I've become since moving to Alaska, quite the pessimist I dare say. (I haven't always hated being here, its just been recent). Yet through my negative rants and frustrations, He is still here, calm and collected and with the words "no worries".  When I say I can't put up with something anymore, he very easily says okay and then makes things work out so I'll be happy. Most importantly he does not resent me for it.  He's so much better at seeing the bigger picture.

I love him. I love that I can say anything to him, sometimes even pretty harsh things.  But He is so patient, is not quick to take offense and does whatever he needs to do to make me happy.  He really is what I need and sometimes when I am so upset and so irrational with my thoughts, deep down I know that through it all, he will still be there, calm and patient.

I spoke with a woman at church yesterday who moved to Alaska 23 years ago from Utah.  She said this was the coldest summer she has seen in those 23 years and without me even telling her my thoughts on Alaska, she proceeded to share hers.

For five years she was miserable.  It got to a point where she felt it was either divorce her husband or learn to like it here.  She mentally had to do a huge adjustment to her attitude and she finally started to learn to love it.

Thankfully I am not at that point and I am grateful God inspired her to briefly share her experience with Me, because I don't want to get to that point she did. It was a very short, but huge conversation that needed to take place.

My happiness here all comes down to me and my choice. Bill has been saying that all along.  It has pissed me off for the most part, but I know it is true. I fear my negativity and "depression" over some of the circumstances of being here, have caused me to not make close friendships.  I fully acknowledge that by being a "downer" I have probably either pushed some people away or simply kept them at a distance.

At this moment, I am okay with that.  In the end, the only thing that matters is that my Husband is still by my side and my children are happy.  This journey in life certainly has its ups and its downs and I am very grateful for choosing Bill to take the ride with.  He is an amazing Man and he is perfect for me.

I Love You Bill. Even in Alaska.