Bacon Grease and Crack

So really I just need to vent.

Obviously, I haven't done a thing on here since Jagger was born. Obviously.

Okay, so who would want to sit down and write down all the crazy, horrendous, funny, exhausting and gross things that three toddlers do, under the age of three.  Oh gosh.  I can't believe I just popped out three kids in three years.  What were we thinking? Did we really just do that?

 How can I poetically express nicely that I want to rub down my oldest two in bacon grease and stick them in the middle of the Alaskan Wilderness?  Can I, as a mother , just say "Bear Bait" over and over and over and not be condemned for it?  Whether its diarrhea being flung on the carpet, being puked on, being hit, being bitten, urination on the couch, yelling, screaming, fighting, kicking, whining and then trying to please the husband, its all gotta drive a woman crazy ESPECIALLY when that woman has sleep deprivation.

I have finally seen the light and the wisdom in the Plural Wife thing.  I for one could use an extra five sets of hands around here. Yes, I really did just say that.  It use to really bother me that the men could have more than one wife and not the other way around.  Well really, why would I want more than one husband to please anyways? I believe if I had more than one husband I'd be in an eternal state of being pissed off.  So check that frustration off the list, I'm pleased that I only have one husband to try and make happy.  Oh and if it were totally legal, I think I'd let Bill pick out our five sister wives and hop on that band wagon faster than I can fall asleep (and lately that's pretty darn fast).

It doesn't help that I'm living in the worst dressed city in the nation.  There is a reason for that ya know. Living in Alaska is not so much about what you look like but how to keep warm.  So its freaking June and we haven't hit above 60 degrees.  I think I can count on one hand how many times I've seen the sun this season.  Ya, we don't have a summer here, we have a spring/fall.  So really its not a surprise when you hit up Costco and the big, burly, hairy man standing in front of you with gauged ears is wearing Cookie Monster MC Hammer pants and a black sweatshirt. In June, in public.

Fashion in Alaska SUCKS! Its so damn easy to feel like a super model here.

And back to the kid thing.  This is hard.  I'm not gonna lie.  Most days I just wanna lay down and die.  Okay maybe that's a little dramatic, but still...... I do feel like I could lie down and sleep for the next 10 years and be okay with it.

I keep thinking about this little crafty thing I made.  I purchased a 5 ft by 4 ft blank canvas and spray painted it brown and black and cream and had my children put their hands in paint and go to town on it. In bright turquoise colors I placed the words "You're Gonna Miss This" so I would have a reminder each day to have a little more patience and convince myself that I am going to miss this stage.  Well the past few weeks I've been quite pissed off at Trace Adkins for coming out with that song.  I think its all a lie, he is feeding us all full of crap.  Its easy for him to say that because he's gone, he's not home all day with his kids.

Really Mr Adkins?  What's to miss about your kids bringing your brand new puppies dog shit in to your house with their bare hands?  What's to miss about just getting out of a nice clean bath and then having your baby projectile vomit on you as your putting him to sleep?  What's to miss about your 3 yr old daughter biting your 2 yr old son over and over and over and not getting how bad it hurts him?  What's to miss about your two year old having a runny, slimy blowout and then putting his hands down his pants and smearing it on your carpet like its whip cream?  What's to miss about your children getting in food fights and spitting their food at each other like they are in World War II?

Oh Mr Adkins, I think you've been smoking crack.

Can I have some of that?

Two most important things on my shopping list today:
Bacon Grease and Crack.