The T.V. turned off.
The makeup and hair could wait.
I picked her up and just held her.
The words of the song started the tears.
"You look around you and you wonder if you'll ever measure up. In this world it seems, you may never be enough. Don't let anyone convince you that it's true, so much beauty lives inside of you and you are enough, just look up."
"Remember you are greatest, when you walk with God. When His light is in your eyes, You are truly strong, You don't have to prove your beauty in the eyes of men, You are divine within you were sent here to become like him".
She just stared at me with wide eyes. I stared at her with wet eyes. She was sent to me. After all these years I had finally met my child. I was holding her, loving her, perhaps the way God does.
Was she sent to me to remind me that beauty lies within? For so many years I have been trying to be beautiful in the world's eyes. I even had a particular surgery, hoping it would make me feel more physically beautiful.
I am afraid I have been so focused on outer beauty that I have lost an inner beauty. Am I as friendly as I use to be? No. Am I possibly a little more judgmental? Yes. Am I a little bit more selfish, impatient, pessimistic and unforgiving? Yes.
Do I have God in my heart? A little. I would probably say my heart consists of 90% me, me, me and 10% Him.
I don't want to pass this on to Her. So I better make the change now.
She watched me cry today. Cry because She is divine. Her beauty is so pure and it is because she is so close to him. I want to carry a beauty like She does.
I think there are many reasons why He asks us to become as a Little Child. I want to be like Her because She is like Him.
She is my example.
13 comments:
Isn't it amazing how much they make you want to try harder. I was just telling Zeb last night that I know I need to be better and try harder because it won't just affect me, but Levi too. It's nice to still get a chance to try, even if we've screwed up before.
I haven't been around you for several years but I've always thought you were beautiful from within. You were always quick to smile and laugh, light hearted, kind and quick to help others. Sometimes I think we are too hard on ourselves.
Ginger, I would have to disagree with you. I think Paisley came to you because of your inner beauty, your selflessness, your strength and your faith. You were trusted with this child, this strong special spirit, because the Lord knew that you would know how to teach her, love her, and help her grow. You are utterly amazing. Look at Paisley as a reminder of what you are worthy of and what you are striving for. I love ya girl.
Paisley is so lucky to have you and you are so hard on yourself. You truly are one of the best people I know.
I am so glad you can understand what I was trying to explain when you asked about what if my child comes out ugly and I tried then explaining just what you feel now. That you will see the world so differently when you have a precious little one. So many better qualities become important. I love that you get to feel it and understand now.
You are awesome. Paisley is so blessed.
I have to say I disagree with your discription of yourself! Paisley is so lucky to have you! You are an amazing daughter of God! I am so excited for Paisley to grow under your care! She will get to have a lifetime of being taught by you! I am jealous! Yep, that is right, JEALOUS!! I can only imagine the wonderful things you will teach her . . . you are a wonderful teacher! I know . . . I came out with no ideas about missions, and I got the best teacher ever to show me how to do it! Everything I learned about being a missionary I learned from you! It was amazing! You are the most unselfish person I have ever met! And, when you came to visit a few months back, you were still that unselfish, loving, listening, spiritual person you were back then!
Something I learned along time ago . . . something I am still learning . . . we MUST force ourselves to not let our short comings and our past transgressions rule who we are today! Heavenly Father and Jesus are quick to forgive, but we are very slow to forgive ourselves! We will hold ourselves back from any progress if we continually dwell on moments when we were not the best we could be . . . .
It is time you listen to your HUSBAND!! You are the most beautiful woman ever! Why? Because you are YOU! You are the only YOU there is . . . everything about you is so special, beautiful, and unique! I wish you could see what all your friends and family see!!
Paisley and all your children are so lucky to get to be taught by you!! Love her and do what feels right in your heart!! Only you know what is right for you and your child!!
Ginger, you are a sweetheart. I always remember you being a real genuine and caring person. Your baby has been blessed with a wonderful mother, and you have been blessed with a perfect little angel. You have such a big heart. I envy you for that.
You know how I feel about you, I think you are truly amazing..and now you know exactly what I mean when I was telling you about being a mom. Nothing else matters..it all seems so unimportant after a child of your own....Your a terrific mom!
Hey Ginger, I just read your comment. Yeah, 5 years goes fast. Remember when you played the piano at our wedding? Guess what...I'm gonna take lessons! Yea!
Hey Ginger...responding to your comment...Kyle is my step-brother. He's such a sweet kid. My mom and his dad have been married for about 9 years now. We all just love Kyle.
I'm excited they're heading to our house this weekend for a visit. I think Lindsay and her little boys are coming too. I can't wait. It's hard living so far away from everyone, but it helps when they all come to visit. ;0)
Ginger,
I think moms are always to hard on themselves. You are a wonderful mom. I love the family picture!
I haven't checked your blog forever, so much has gone on. You are such a cute mom... don't be so hard on yourself. I love all the pictures you guys have done with Paisley. She's such a doll. I'm so glad you guys are so happy. I can't wait to see you Saturday. I'm so excited and happy this great day is finally here for you guys! Yay! Life is crazy, but it's all for a good reason we'll someday know. Love ya girl!
Ginger your and amazing person and always will be, i know your a great mom and Paisley is very lucky to have you!
I love the background and the new little family pictures sooooo cute!
Love ya girl
I NEED YOUR MOM'S FRIED ICE CREAM RECIPE. That was sooo good I can not stop thinking about it:)
I really enjoy reading your blog. I wish I could put this much feeling into my blog instead of updating once every two or three months and only taking 1 minute to type. GOOD JOB
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