Red

I always have the same dream. Sometimes its the same girl, sometimes she is different, but I always know Her. This time it was a former co-worker. A very large red head with thousands and thousands of freckles. She's a little trashy, foul mouthed, mean and wears her clothes top small so that her rolls hang out between her shirt and the top of her pants. For privacy purposes I will call her "Red".

Its not always an affair, but this time it was. I always dream that my husband is leaving me and these particular dreams seem to increase and become more bizarre during pregnancy.

I think this one has topped them all.

Sadly, I can't go in to too much detail because if you could rate dreams, this one would be Rated-R. I wasn't just a fly on the wall, I was actually there, witnessing it. In the basement of my parents house of all places. And they knew I was there.

So after the "event" took place, of course I was livid and hurt and tried kicking "Red" out of my parents house. The beast wouldn't leave. Somehow during their whole affair, my 1 yr old son dug up my parents cement floor with his hands. The very floor that they had the affair on.

He discovered a crocodile graveyard. They were not just bones, they were actual skeletal forms of crocodiles, millions of them frozen into action, as if they were ready to attack the next bloody fat, red head that walked their way. Cornish would never be the same. While my cousin, who lived next door to us, once claimed Michael Jackson lived in her drains, I could now claim I grew up on a crocodile graveyard.

Anyway, while I was on the phone with the cops, requesting their service to come and arrest this woman, my husband tells me it would probably be best if He left with Her.

And then..... I wake up.

For a moment I couldn't tell where I was and then my husband asks me what time it is.

2:45am.

What the???? And then a huge flood of relief swells through me and I lean over and say "time to give you a big kiss". Cheesy, but true. I wanted to cry. He was there, He didn't leave me for Red. After feeling the strong desire to re-consummate our marriage I realize its going to be impossible. Red would be in my head the whole time, how gross would that be. I burst out laughing and proceed to tell my husband why He left me, this time, in my dream.

And now I'm a little more than upset. Waking up was bitter/sweet. Sweet to realize He was still there, lying next to me. Bitter because now its 4:18am and I can't sleep. I tossed and turned for an hour thinking of Red and how she stole my husband away from Me. Appalled at the Rated-R events that my over imaginative mind witnessed and wondering if my little 1 year old is really the super hero that his name implies. What one year old finds a crocodile graveyard?

I decided to write this dream out in the hopes that I can now stop thinking of this morbid affair and get some more sleep before I turn in to Laraina Bobbitt.

Good Night.