Pregnancy Blues

Thirty five weeks pregnant. No sleep. Exhaustion. Sore. Fat. Anxious. Lonely.

He works all the time, he travels all the time. I feel like a single Mom. I lay awake next to him at nights, resenting his job for not allowing us to have a normal life. This isn't how it should be. But what is a normal life?

Gone are the Brady Bunch days. Gone are the nights we go to bed together, have breakfast together, have dinner together. Gone are the weekends of family time.

We live in a world of busy, busy, busy. Work, work, work. Live to pay the bills and get out of debt.

He provides for the family.

She raises the kids and keeps the house tidy.

In the midst of what he does and what she does, somehow you make time for each other. But 5 min here and 5 min there just doesn't seem to cut it.

I want the Brady Bunch life. I want more family time. But who really gets that anymore? I'm scared. I'm terrified of bringing another of God's spirit's in to this world. This busy, crazy, scary, exciting world. This world whose view on the importance of family has greatly diminished.

With the hardships of the economy comes even more demands from Fathers. More demand of their time away from home. More demand of their sleep time and more demand of their energy.

I've got the Pregnancy Blues. I don't see an end in sight for this single mother feeling to go away. He will keep on traveling and he will keep on working and I will keep on feeling like a single mother. If the Pioneer Women did it, I suppose I can too. But for now I just want to sulk and have a pity party with Me and my enormous tummy.

I Love You Everyday, Not Just Valentine's Day

Didn't get anything sexy. Didn't get anything romantic. A simple kiss and the words "I love you" completely sufficed.

Do we have the perfect marriage? No, but you are here. You love me. You love your daughter and you provide.

Your absence is not easy. But if things were so easy then I wouldn't appreciate you the way I do. I wouldn't miss you the way I do and I wouldn't be grateful.

You have given me everything I have ever wanted in the past two years. Everything. I know at times I forget and lose sight of the vision we had set when we got married, but you always bring me back to reality. You help me realize that its okay that life isn't perfect, that We aren't perfect, and that our marriage isn't perfect. You level me and I know I level you. You are my equal. You are mine forever. I am so grateful you chose me.

You sacrifice for me far more than I sacrifice for you and I acknowledge you for that. You put my needs above your own and I need to see our future through your eyes, not just mine. You are a wonderful Husband and even more so, a wonderful Father. I love the way her face lights up when she see's you at the end of the day. That big smile, the twinkling eyes and the jibberish she uses to say "Finally, you're home".

You are so deeply loved. So deeply, incredibly, amazingly loved.

Back to Blogging Therapy

Its been 9 months since my last post. I had all the reasons in the world to quit blogging. Waste of time. Unsafe. Blah. Blah. Blah. When it comes down to it, I miss it tremendously. I miss following my friends and families lives. I miss writing down milestones of my daughter. I miss writing down memories of my amazing life. I am so looking forward to being in tune with your lives again.

So here I go with my journal writing and boy do I have much to catch up on!

The Many Adventures of Paisley

Wow. Phew. FINALLY. Back into the blogging world. Oh, how much I have missed writing out my feelings and thoughts. I've got so much to write about, I'm not quite sure where to start.

I think I'll start with the most important. My beautiful baby girl. My gosh, I can't believe how fast she's growing. Just a few mile stones.

1. In her own crib, in her own room. Yes, she has just barely left her bassinet. With all of our traveling, it was just so handy to take along. She made the change so easily. I think it was much harder on me, than on her.


2. She is pretty much sleeping through the night.

3. She is on solids. It's such a blast feeding her and I'm so happy that she is still breast feeding well.

4. I LOVE the change of color in her poop. How silly is that? Why is it so exciting to see it change from runny, mustard yellow to thick pumpkin orange or bean green?

5. She is sitting up! She has always loved to be up, does not like her tummy very well.

6. SHE LOVES HORSES. Oh my goodness, she went crazy when my dad took her on a horse ride. She would cheese it from ear to ear and giggle every time the horse turned it's head.

7. It's raspberry time. She blows on EVERYTHING.

8. She can fit her entire fist in her mouth!

9. She loves her Dax. She laughs and laughs whenever we throw the ball to Dax. She grins every time he walks in the room.

10. She's still so stinkin small. She only weighs 14 lbs. Though her weight is small, she has jumped 30% in height since her last appt.

These are just a few of the things that have been going on with Paisley. To tell you the truth, I think she's ready for a brother or sister!

I keep asking myself how I have lucked out. Paisley still continues to have the most content, relaxed and easy going personality. She is such a joy and I adore the interaction Her and Bill have. She loves him so much and He is wrapped around her little finger.

I know Mother's day has come and gone but very quickly I just have to say how grateful I am to be a mother. Paisley and I just spent this day by ourselves and it really was an emotional day for me. It seems like it took forever for me to get to this point. Being a Mom on Mother's Day... Best feeling ever! If anything, this day made me realize how blessed I am to have a wonderful Mother and Mother in Law.

Quick Update Before Going Private......

I'm still going private... My computer crashed right after I made that last post and we just barely got a new computer.

Anyhow, I will be doing a much better update next week.

Life is perfect. I love my husband. I love my Paisley. I love my life. Why am I so blessed?

Paisley just turned 6 months this week. I can't believe how lucky I have been. She is so precious and sweet and just so lovable.

Bill and Paisley are my world. I would not have it any other way.